My son Calvin, came home from his dads house today. We do what we normally do on the weekends he comes back on Sundays, we talked to tim for a minute and then we headed right to church. Matt and I made a little small talk with him on the way but we were on a time crunch. A little later in the day after we were home and settled I talked to Calvin, like I always do about what he did with his dad. He brought up his dads girlfriend, who spent time with them over the weekend. He talked about her naturally, as he's been around her for a while now -- I asked what kind of things they did together, already knowing the answer because she had already told me. Yes you read that right, she had already told me. I have met her, a few times actually, and communicate often with her.
Calvin went on to explain the different things they all did, as a family. I sat and I listened, and felt so warm inside as my little boy explained, with excitement what he did with his family. I love that he knows that we are all one family--I asked him what he liked about her and among many things he said one thing that really stood out to me-- " she loves me too." He said. She has a young son also, and because my son told me what he told me, I know he is receiving from her, the same treatment she shows her own son. My son can feel that--Do you know how much that makes me appreciate and love this woman I barley know? I can't even explain it.
Im often asked how Tim and I do what we do. Well first of all, it hasn't always been this easy. We have good and bad days. But something both of us, have come to a complete understanding of, is the respect we have and will show for the partners we have chosen will always be a priority for us.
Matt and Tims girlfriend, have so many wonderful qualities that they have brought to our life, we would be foolish to focus on anything but that, in them. They also love our son. They aren't his parents but they do love him. And that matters.
Maybe it's because I grew up in a divorced family that couldn't even be in the same room hardly, let alone support each other. Or maybe it's because I've spent so much time looking for the bad in people that I can't bring myself to do it anymore, even when it's the norm to do in certain situations. I'm not sure what it is-- but what I do know is that when I see Tim with his girlfriend and her son and my son, I feel happiness. I feel grateful. I'm so happy Tim is happy with her. And I'm so happy that I am happy with my Matt, as is Tim. What I also know without a doubt is that Calvin has two men in his life that are teaching him to be a good man. Calvin has two women in his life, that show him love and support. My son knows who his mom is, and he knows who his dad is but he also knows he has two other people that he can turn to, that he can depend on, that love him.
I can guarantee you, that it won't be perfect and issues will surface, living this co-parent, yet one family, divorced life. That's life. However, how amazing is it, that there are four people who are happy for the first time in a long time, who have decided to see the good in each other, respect each other and provide a life of happiness for the little humans that mean more to us than anything.
Im so grateful for this women in my ex-husbands life, that unknowingly gave my son the security to organically say me " mommy she loves me, too." When I asked him what he liked about her.
Life is never ideal guys, however the good in people is ideal, if you choose to see it.
Im grateful for this person and her silly selfies with my baby, for her constant efforts, for her openness to be friends with the ex-wife, for her respect of me and my friendship with her boyfriend, my ex-husband , for her communication with me, but mostly I'm just grateful for her. ❤️